How I made peace with my inner critic
The Critic, By Annalee Kornelsen
“That’s the artist's brain,” my mentor said. We were reviewing some work of mine and I had just mentioned something I thought might be missing from the piece we were looking at. “it’s perfect. Nothing is missing” he continued.
That was so sweet of him. He’s got a positive approach to growth and feedback that I really appreciate, and I see what he meant. But he’s also wrong. And that’s when I knew my relationship with my inner critic was finally healthy. I didn’t feel any charge or discomfort around knowing that my work wasn’t perfect.
The truth is, I was happy with the work I had done, and content in knowing that the client was absolutely delighted with it. I was also aware of what I could have done differently, and what I might do next time. But instead of experiencing that knowing as a tight embarrassment, or a pointy shame attack, it felt like the spark of inspiration for the next piece for this client. It felt useful. It felt healthy. Because my inner critic and I are getting along great these days. We’re on the same side.
And let me tell you, it wasn’t always this way. I have experienced brutal shame spirals and extreme self-hatred about my work. Like hours of avoidance-internet-scrolling, and hot sticky tears over requests for changes/corrections kind of shame spirals. Do I still have shame spirals? Yes. Of course. I’m still working through my traumas like everyone else, but anguish about the quality of my work is no longer the trigger it once was.
How did I get from there to contentment and inspiration?
First I got clear on two things: a) I am not my art. b) I am not my inner critic. Then I…
1) put the guns down: Understanding that my inner critic wants the best for me, and is trying to protect me, but due to our struggles over the years is also massively overreacting. I don’t need to fear it. It’s hurt and angry and needs my compassion. I put my gun down first. I saw our relationship differently and called off the war.
2) established respect & hierarchy: I got clear that technique and skill exist to support my creative vision, not the other way around. I established a hierarchy with well-being and expression at the top and got really fierce about it.
3) invited participation: I recognized the gifts and skills of my inner critic and began to treat it like a respected consultant. I got clear about my goals and what I wanted it’s help with. A big part of this is timing. I got really good at stopping my inner critic when it interrupted my work saying “ you can critique it when we’re done, but for now I just need to get this out.” and then honouring that promise by inviting it’s respectful help at the right time.
Creative freedom doesn’t come from exiling parts of ourselves or convincing ourselves that everything we do is perfect and beyond critique. Creative freedom comes from understanding our inherent worth and building relationships with our creativity and every part of us that can contribute to it.
Relationships take time. It’s an investment. and you need some resources to make it happen. I’ve had gentle and supportive people in my life who encourage my creativity and stand up for me. That’s one of the reasons I’m passionate about paying it forward and supporting others in healing their relationship with their creative self and all its parts.
The peace and freedom is worth it.
